The Economist ran a fascinating (and popular) poll of
British readers, asking which "Americanisms" they use. Many, it turns
out, have taken to saying "apartment" instead of "flat" and "sidewalk"
instead of "pavement." So let's flip it around: Which dreadful
Americanisms would you trade for something from the mother country? (click below to read more)
You can see the Economist's results here.
The American "bug" has gained ground on the British "insect," and beta
is increasingly pronounced "bayta" instead of the more British "beeta"
(beeta? really?). There's less enthusiasm for trading "I'm well" for our
grammatically questionable "I'm good," or for correctly pronouncing
"controversy."
Anyway, the magazine survey got us pondering
language trade in the other direction. God knows American English could
use some fixin'. So we put on our thinking trilbies and made a list of
poorly performing linguistic citizens who should be replaced with
immigrants. Cast a vote for one below. Or suggest one of your own
devising in the comments.
Vacation → Holiday
If
you think about it, the word "vacation," derived from "vacate," sounds
like something unpleasant your body might do involuntarily in a moment
of panic or systems decay. Or maybe something your landlord might impose
when you fail to pay your rent. "Holiday," in contrast, conjures
cheerful images of decorations and warm togetherness (partly because we
in America have abused the term into becoming an abbreviation for
"national holiday"). If vacations became holidays, maybe Americans would
finally start taking more of them, like the longer living French.
Bathroom → Loo
Actually,
we shouldn't get rid of "bathroom" entirely. Keep it, but only for
rooms with actual baths. Then real estate agents can stop referring
heinously to "half bathrooms." And restaurants can stop referring to
rooms with only toilets and sinks as "restrooms," as though they were
lounges were one might order a cocktail, and adopt a shorter word
reflecting the fun that sometimes finds it way into these facilities.
Not that a knackered totty such as yourself would know anything about
that.
Elevator → Lift
"Lift"
is shorter, less robotic sounding, more charming, and every bit as
accurate and (as a noun) unambiguous. Let's lift elevation!
Gas → Petrol
Less ambiguous, and we get to make oil companies spend some of their obscene profits on new signs.
Parking lot → Car park
"Lot"
accurately reflects the depressingly barren nature of these areas, as
well as the fact that it's a car owner's lot in life to waste huge
amounts of time and money in them. "Park," the noun, evokes a far
happier and greener place, even if "park," the verb, is what's used in
the phrase. Then again, maybe we'd best not enable America's addiction
to the motorcar.
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